Whose Freakin' Line is it Anyway?
by Arbor Insana
Summary: Chapter 4 up. You can all bow to me now! :P (j/k) Even more mayhem and comedy than before. Chapter 5 coming soon.
1. Whose Freakin' Line is it Anyway?!

Disclaimer: We do not own Trigun, and we do not own Whose Line is it anyway. This is a fanfic. Get over it already!!!  
  
Show 1: Whose Line is it Anyway, Dammit!! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -  
  
Vash: Hello, and welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway Dammit! A show where everything is made up, and the points don't matter.  
  
Legato: Neither does your worthless life.  
  
Vash: Um...well...yeah...anyway, tonight we have everyone's Western samauri role model: Rei Dei the Blade! Next we have everyone's anger management role model: Millions Knives.  
  
Knives: Must... kill... spider....  
  
Vash: .....Right. After that is everyone's Godly role model: Nicholas D. Wolfwood. And last but not least, everyone's suicidal role model: Legato.  
  
Legato pulls something from his pocket and starts munching on it.  
  
Wolfwood: *nervously looking around* I'm surrounded by psychopaths. Can I go home?  
  
Vash: *grinning broadly* No! okay. Our first game is called Questions Only. The name is self-explanatory, so let's not waste any time! This game is for everyone.  
  
Rei Dei and Knives get on the left side, and Wolfwood and Legato get on the right.  
  
Vash: Okay all we need now is a situation.  
  
The crowd shouts out random suggestions.  
  
Vash: Our situation is: you're lost on an expidition up Mt. Everest.  
  
Knives and Wolfwood step up first.  
  
Knives: Where are we going?  
  
Wolfwood: Which way is down?  
  
Knives: Why are you asking me?  
  
Wolfwood: I don't know.....dammit!  
  
Wolfwood walks off and is replaced by Legato.  
  
Legato: Is the trail blocked?  
  
Knives: Where is the trail?  
  
Legato: Where ever the boulders are.  
  
Vash rings the buzzer and Wolfwood steps back up.  
  
Wolfwood: How are our rations?  
  
Knives: Where are they?  
  
Wolfwood: Should I look for them?  
  
Knives: What do you think, dumbass?  
  
Wolfwood: Why are you s mean?  
  
Knives: Because I kill weaklings!!!!  
  
Vash rings the buzzer and Knives is replaced by Rei Dei.  
  
Rei Dei: Did you find the food?  
  
Wolfwood: What do you think? *points to invisible object on ground*  
  
Rei Dei: *looks at invisible object* What happened to all of the food?  
  
Wolfwood: Should we resort to cannibalism?  
  
Rei Dei: Who's first?  
  
Knives, Legato, and Rei Dei surround Wolfwood.  
  
Wolfwood: Why me?!?!?  
  
Vash: *ringing the buzzer repeatedly* Um...I think that that's enough for our first game. Thousand points to everyone except for Wolfwood who mentioned cannibalism  
  
Legato licks his left hand.  
  
Vash: That was just freaky.....  
  
Wolfwood: grrrrrrrr.........................  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Vash: Our next game is Three-Headed Broadway Star for Knives, Wolfwood, and Legato.  
  
Knives, Wolfwood, and Legato stand up.  
  
Vash: We need an unlikely title for a Broadway play.  
  
Crowd shouts out random suggestions.  
  
Vash: Okay "Ode to the Inlaws" it is.  
  
Music starts playing and the three wrap their arms around each others shoulders.  
  
Knives: I  
  
Wolfwood: don't  
  
Legato: know  
  
Knives: what  
  
Wolfwood: to  
  
Legato: dooooooooo  
  
Knives: my  
  
Wolfwood: inlaws  
  
Legato: are  
  
Knives: after  
  
Wolfwood: me  
  
Legato: and  
  
Knives: yoooooooooo  
  
Wolfwood: I  
  
Legato: think  
  
Knives: I'll  
  
Wolfwood: kill  
  
Legato: them  
  
Knives: so  
  
Wolfwood: they'll  
  
Legato: go  
  
Knives: awayyyyyyyy  
  
Wolfwood: so  
  
Legato: my  
  
Knives: wife  
  
Wolfwood: and  
  
Legato: I  
  
Knives: will  
  
Wolfwood: be  
  
Legato: here  
  
Knives: to  
  
Wolfwood, Legato, and Knives: STAAYYYYYYYYY!!  
  
Vash: *crying* *sniff* that was so...touching. Anyway, a hundred points to everyone but Wolfwood because he said "kill".  
  
Wolfwood: Stupid little #@$~*!  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Vash: Our next game is called At a Party and is for everyone. Yes, you too Wolfwood. Rei Dei is a host who is throwing a party. Wolfwood, Knives, and Legato are each guests and Rei Dei will have to figure out who or what they are. I hope you all left your dignity back in your respective seats, here we go!  
  
Rei Dei: Oh boy! *sarcasticaly* I wonder when the guests will arrive.  
  
Doorbell rings.  
  
Knives: *walks through the "door" on all fours and begins to up agains Rei Dei's legs* Nyao!  
  
Rei Dei: Eeep! Get out of here you stupid KuroNeko Sama!  
  
The audience applauds as Knives goes back to his seat.  
  
The doorbell rings.  
  
Rei Dei: Oh, hello there, can I he--  
  
Legato enters into the room and falls onto the floor  
  
Rei Dei: Are you okay?  
  
Doorbell rings and Rei Dei opens the "door".  
  
Wolfwood: *looking around* uh duh ruh Wolfwood?  
  
Rei Dei: Huh?  
  
Legato stands back up on his feet.  
  
Wolfwood: *walks up to Legato* WOLFWOOD!!!  
  
Legato falls down again.  
  
Rei Dei: Wolfwood, quit being a retard!!!  
  
Wolfwood walks back to his seat as the crowd cheeers and applaudes.  
  
Vash: You need to guess who Legato is?  
  
Rei Dei: Okay....um.....he's that anemic chick from the Excel Saga.  
  
Vash: Oh, so close. He doesn't have any knee caps. Oh well seven hundred points to everyone except for Rei Dei, because he's a loser.  
  
Rei Dei: *blinks in disbelief* Whatever.  
  
Legato: Foolish mortal.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --  
  
Vash: We've got one more game left today, and that's the hoe down!!  
  
The crowd cheers wildly.  
  
Vash: Today's winner, out of pity for lack of platella, is Legato!  
  
The crowd cheers and applauds again.  
  
Vash: That means that you get to sit in the chair and I participate in the hoe down.  
  
Legato walks over and sits in the chair and Vash takes his place on stage.  
  
Legato: Which one of you wants to pick the subject for the hoe down?  
  
Crowd yells out random suggestions.  
  
Legato: Fine. We'll have the cabbage hoe down. *shudders*  
  
The hoe down music begins to play and Rei Dei, Knives, Wolfwood, and Vash stand in a line.  
  
Rei Dei: I sat down to dinner just the other day After sword slashing and related swordplay I walked over, and looked in the fridge And all I had was a freaking cabbage.  
  
Knives: Whenever I see cabbage, I really have a fit I always get lighter fluid and pour that all over it When the veggie burns to ash, I laugh maniacally Because that's what I'll do with Vash's dead body.  
  
Wolfwood: I saw a cabbage sitting in a bin I got my confessional, and it told me all its sins I helped him out until all his problems were at bay But the thing that really pissed me off is that it didn't pay.  
  
Vash: I don't like cabbages, they're really, really gross It looks like the stuff that grows in between Meryl's toes I would never eat them, no ifs, ands, or buts. I just want a giant bag of steaming donuts.  
  
Everybody: Of steaming donuts!!!!!!!  
  
Meryl: YOU STUPID DONUT MUNCHING CREEP!  
  
Vash: Until next time *gulp*, I'll be running from Meryl. GOOD NIGHT!  
  
A very angry Meryl chases vash off the stage and out of the studio.  
  
Knives: So, If I'm not mistaken, we were about to eat the priest, am I correct?  
  
Wolfwood: Don't eat me! God will punish you if you do!!  
  
Knives, Legato, and Rei Dei chase Wolfwood away and the curtain closes. 


	2. Whose Freakin' Line is it Anyway?! Episo...

Whose Line Is It Anyway, Dammit! #2  
  
Vash: Hello and welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway, Dammit! The show where everything is made up and the points don't matter. Today's pannel includes the stungun toting superwoman, Milly Thompson; the animal rights activist, Zazie the Beast; the guy the surgeon general is after, Nicolas D. Wolfwood; and the guy whose after the surgeon general, Legato!  
  
(Audience claps and cheers)  
  
Vash: Our first game is: Scenes from a Hat. The audience has submitted these earlier. Legato and Milly, you're up. Our actors will be... (audience yells suggestions) Martha Stewart and a random guest.  
  
Legato: And then you chop the leg of the chicken off and mince it into tiny pieces with these two obscurely large butcher knives.  
  
Milly: Shouldn't the chicken be dead first?  
  
Legato: No, it will be perfect if it's this fresh.  
  
(Vash buzzes in)  
  
Vash: The scene is (pulls paper out of hat) underwater  
  
Milly: Your bowl is floating away, Miss Stewart, and the blood is attracting sharks.  
  
Legato: That's the perfect addition to my favorite soup  
  
(Vash buzzes in again)  
  
Vash: Now (pulls another paper from hat) you're skydiving  
  
Milly: Um, no matter how much pepper I put on, it still doesn't fall fast enough to land in the bowl. Oh, and should we pull our chutes? We're only a hundred feet from the ground.  
  
Legato: Huh?  
  
(Milly and Legato fall flat on the stage simultaneously as Vash buzzes in)  
  
Vash: (Looks at paper from hat) You are now in a mosh pit at a rock concert  
  
Milly: Miss Stewart! The our chicken and the kitchen supplies are crowd surfing!  
  
Legato: What!? I can't hear you!  
  
Milly: (Louder) I SAID, THE CHICKEN AND OUR KITHCEN SUPPLIES ARE CROWD SURFING!  
  
Legato: Oh, that's not important. Our chicken and kitchen supplies are crowd surfing.  
  
(Vash presses the buzzer repeatedly to signal the end of the round)  
  
Vash: A thousand points to both Milly and Legato, but minus 500 from Legato for being in a stock scandal.  
  
Legato: @#*% you, Vash the Stampede!  
  
Vash: Our next game is done in the style of a film nior. Now, I need someone in the audience to come up with an unlikely place for a film nior. (Audience yells suggestions) Okay. Our scene is Disneyworld. This one's for Zazie and Wolfwood.  
  
Zazie: (to audience) This is my first trip to Disneyworld, and I became suspicious of the strange guy in the mouse suit. (to Wolfwood) Hey you, don't you know that you should be wearing a shirt. This is a family park!  
  
Wolfwood: ( to audience) This kind was on to me. He didn't know I was about to blow up Space Mountain. This one is going to be tricky. (to Zazie) How would you like a picture with Mickey, little boy?  
  
Zazie: (to audience) I knew somewhere beneath that cheap polyester outfit lay a nicotine-addicted, sacreligious priest bent on destroying the happiness of small children at this overpriced family park. I was going to take him in. (to Wolfwood) No, I don't want a picture. I know who you are and what you're up to, and I'm taking you back to British Colombia!  
  
Wolfwood: (to audience) I'm suprised he knew I was Canadian, but I knew from the moment I saw the glint in his eye that he was a Mountie! ( to Zazie) You're not taking me anywhere, Dudley Doright!  
  
Zazie: (to audience) He saw right through me. This was going to require more than I thought (to Wolfood) You can tell all you poorly animated and cheaply dressed cooperates goodbye. We got them all this morning. They're waiting for you in Canada right now.  
  
Wolfwood: (to audience) I was wondering where Donald and Goofy were. (to Zazie) Fine then, but defore I go, would you like to confess your sins?  
  
(Vash rings buzzer)  
  
Vash: I think we're paying you enough. One hundred points to both of you. Our next game is the questions game. This one's for everybody.  
  
(Wolfwood and Milly line up on one side and Zazie and Legato get on the other)  
  
Vash: Our scene will be...(audience yells random suggestions) a Pokemon spoof.  
  
(Everyone but Milly groans, Wolfwood and Legato step up)  
  
Wolfwood: Did you see that?  
  
Legato: Do you mean the Druggymon?  
  
Wolfwood: Um, sure (Buzz) Damn!  
  
(Wolfwood is replaced by Milly)  
  
Milly: Are you gonna catch it?  
  
Legato: Why should I want something that useless and stoned?  
  
Milly: Why is that so bad?  
  
Legato: Because it's stupid and too buzzed to do anything (stomps off)  
  
(Legato is replaced by Zazie)  
  
Zazie: Why do I gotta catch 'em all?  
  
Milly: Why not?  
  
Zazie: There's too many of them. Why bother?  
  
(Vash buzzes Zazie, who is replaced by Legato)  
  
Vash: I'm sorry, your first sentence wasn't a question.  
  
Legato: Where's the bathroom?  
  
Milly: (ingnoring him) Are you going to catch it or not?  
  
Legato: What, the bathroom?  
  
Milly: Um... (frowns) Oh, darn!  
  
(Vash buzzes repeatedly)  
  
Vash: Okay. That was disturbing. Now, not looking at the points... Milly is the winner!  
  
(Milly stares blankly at the ceiling)  
  
Wolfwood: Hey, tall girl, you won.  
  
Milly: (shakes off ADD) Oh, yay! I'm so happy! (sits in chair) What now Mr. Vash?  
  
Vash: Glad you asked. We're gonna have a hoe down!  
  
Milly: Oh, Oh, Does anyone have a suggestion? (audience yelling) Yay! Sand! We're going to have the sand hoe down!  
  
(music plays)  
  
Vash: I really don't like sand, It gets everywhere. When the wind starts to blow it gets all in my hair. And when I see all this grit it makes me thirsty. but when I drink all the water I really gotta pee.  
  
Zazie: I like all or the sand it's where I keep my bugs. When they come out if it I always give them hugs. It's really horrible that no one likes my friends. So I'll mak a giant sandball and drop it on their heads.  
  
Wolfwood: Where did all this sand come from. It's up to my knees. It makes it so we can not grwo any trees. But Kuroneko doesn't mind, he really likes it lots. Because to him, it's a giant litter box.  
  
Legato: I don't like Gunsmoke, it's a friggin' sandball. One day I'll kill everyone and then I'll rule it all. I'll bury them all in the sand including stupid Vash But if the sand gets in my pants it'll give me a nasty rash.  
  
All: Give me a nasty rash!!!  
  
Vash: That's all the time we have today, folks. Come back soon for another "Whose Line is it Anyway, Dammit"  
  
Legato: I can't believe I signed a contract for this crappy show!  
  
Kuroneko: Nyao  
  
Milly: Oh my gosh! Where'd he come from  
  
Zazie: I dunno, but I'll get rid of it  
  
(Zazie summons forth a giant sandworm that growls at Kuroneko. Kuroneko scratches it with a swipe of its paw and sends the worm flying through the ceiling of the studio)  
  
Kuroneko: nyao  
  
Vash: Until next time, we'll be fixing the studio, Goodnight.  
  
Wolfwood: It must be a sign from God. Confessions anyone? 


	3. Whose Freakin' Line is it Anyway?! Episo...

Whose Line is It Anyway, Dammit #3  
  
  
  
Vash: Hello! Welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway, Dammit! number three where everything is made up and the points are as useful as navel fluff. I'm your host, Vash the Stampede! Let me introduce you to today's actors. He slices, he dices, he makes jullienne fries, he's E.G. Mine! Only $19.95 shipping and handling and no COD's, it's Meryl Strife! Meryl: What are you isinuating! Vash: *gulp* Nothing! Really! Anyways, on two CD's or cassettes, it's Nicholas D. Wolfwood. And finally, he wipes away unwanted body hair with ease, it's Legato Bluesummers! Legato: I hate infomercials...Especially the ones with that stupid Billy Mays. SCREW YOU OXYCLEAN! Vash: ... Let's not waste any time. Our first game is called "Alphabet". This one's for E.G., Meryl, and Legato. We need a letter to start on (audience) Theta? We need an English letter. (audience) "Y"? Okay, the letter is "Y". We also need a scene. (audience) Okay. You guys are lumberjacks. E.G.: You should really work on your swing, Meryl. Legato: Zazie's a better lumberjack than you! Meryl: All right. Stop making picking on me. Legato: But it's fun! E.G.: Don't you remember, Meryl? The Sacred Code of the Lumberjack requires more experienced lumberjacks help out the new ones. Legato: Eh? Meryl: Fine. I'll try harder. E.G.: Great, That's the spirit. Legato, what are you doing? Legato: Ha! While you fools were messing around, I stole the Sacred Code of the Lumberjack. Now I shall be all powerful! Meryl: I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay... Legato: Just shut up with those mirthful Monty Python songs. I'm going to become the legendary Neo- Lumberjack! E.G.: Kill him before he transforms! Meryl: Lumberjacks that are truly great would never do something like that! Legato: Mwahahahaha! First the Yukon, then the world! E.G.: Now now, let's not go on a power trip. Meryl: Oh no! What are we going to do!? E.G.: Perhaps we could- Meryl: Quickly! He's transforming! E.G.: Ready? On the count of three, we'll push this conviniently placed partially chopped tree on him! Meryl: Start now! E.G. and Meryl: Three, Two, One, PUSH! Legato: (falls on ground) Ugh! You got me! E.G.: Very good Meryl! You're a better lumberjack than I thought! Meryl: What kind of things can you make from this particular wood? E.G.: Xylophone cases, I think... Legato: You two hurry up! This tree's heavy! Vash: (buzzer) That was great! 500 hundred points for Legato, and only 50 for E.G. and Meryl for pushing trees on people. Time for our next game: Scenes from a Hat. This game is for everyone. (Characters assemble) Our studio audience has earlier submitted these different categories that our actors will improv. Ready? Let's go. First, (draws from hat) Monev the Gale's childhood problems. Legato.: Mommy mommy! Where's my nightlight?! Wolfwood: Dad! I wet the bed again. Meryl: Monev! Not another nosebleed! You need to stop picking your nose! Vash: (buzzer) Empty things. Legato: Hi. I'm Milly Thompson's head! Vash: (buzzer) That's mean. Really stupid laws. Wolfwood: If, on a Friday, you should step on someone's fingers, you must go to the Salerno cookie company and get a fresh 13"x9" box of 57 count chocolate chunk cookies. Tie a burnt sienna, goldenrod, and chartreuse ribbon 2.48365 inches from the top left corner and deliver the cookies at 3:57 the following afternoon with a 2.983 page written apology in #4 lead pensil. *gasp* Vash: I'm really glad you don't make laws, Wolfwood. Wolfwood: Me too. Vash: Anyways, things that explode. E.G.: Look at me! I'm Puppetmaster Loenof! Legato: Look at me! I'm Vash's head after thinking too much. Vash: (buzzer) That's not nice. No points for any of you. I ate them. Our next game is for Wolfwood and Meryl. It's called "Whose Line" Each preformer has a phrase in each of their pockets that the audience has written down earlier. They must take turns readings them throughout their conversation. We need a scene. (audience) That's a good one. You are riding on a moped at night. Meryl: You shouldn't have hit that bum. It wasn't very nice. Wolfwood: I'm sure he won't mind. Meryl: That's still not nice. You should (pulls paper out of pocket) "Never put beer and melted cheese in your mouth at the same time". Wolfwood: I'll be sure to remember that. Meryl: Anytime. I'm full of useful advice. Anything you want to talk about? Wolfwood: Actually, (pulls out paper) "My hat, it has three corners" Meryl: Three corners has your hat? Wolfwood: And if it had not three corners. Meryl: It wouldn't be your hat because (paper out of pocket) "My bum is on the gum. My bum is on the gum. I can blow a bubble with my bum bum bum. Wolfwood: Wow. That must require a lot of talent. Meryl: (Very angry) Of course it does!!! How else can you get on such a stupid show with such a stupid audience if you didn't have that kind of talent!? Wolwood: Don't get so angry. When I get mad I (pulls out paper) "Eat dung beetles. They're tasty. Vash: (buzzer) A thousand points for both of you, but minus 999 from Meryl for insulting the show. Meryl: Stupid stupid STUPID!!!! Vash: *gulp* well, It's time to pick our winner, and that'd be Wolfwood!!! (audience cheers) Wolfwood. Yes! I get to sit in the chair! Vash: Um.. yeah. Wolfwod: All right! It's time for a hoedown! (cheering) Okay audience, we need a topic for the hoedown (audience shouts suggestions) Let's have a Kuronekosama hoedown! (hoedown music)  
  
E.G.: From the desert I was rolling to a city Looking for people to make run and flee! I was causing chaos and trauma Until I was K.O.ed by Kuronekosama! (music)  
  
Meryl: At the office I was doing paperwork Because of property damage by that stupid jerk! I was about to fill out all this and all that, But then, on my paper, was a green-eyed black cat! (music)  
  
Vash: One day I was spreading love and peace But I got hungry and wanted food to eat! So I was looking through some peoples trash, But the only thing to eat was Mr. Black Cat! (music)  
  
Legato: Kuronekosama was begging me for food I decided that it was very rude! Why should I share my lunch with a stupid cat? When I threw him out the window he hit the ground with a splat!  
  
(complete silence)  
  
Wolfwood: Um, Legato? Remember what happend last time someone made Kuronekosama angry? Legato: What? That bug problem? (see chap. 2) That was nothing. Kuronekosama is jus a stupid cat. (out of the rafters above, Kuronekosama himself falls on Legato's head, biting and thrashing) Legato: Get this thing off me!!! Vash: We seem to be out of time. Until next week, Legato will be getting stitches. This is Vash the Stampede, Goodnight everybody!  
  
  
  
Authors note: If this in any way offends you, don't get angry at me. You Billy Mays fans (all 3 of you) should find another bandwagon to hop on. If your dad is a lumberjack or something, I would like to see the sacred code sometime ^_- 


	4. Whose Freakin' Line is it Anyway?! Episo...

Whose Freakin' Line is it Anyway? #4  
  
Vash: Hello and welcome to "Whose Freakin' Line is it Anyway"! I'm your host, Vash the Stampede, the Humaniod Typhoon, the $$60,000,000,000 Man. And with me today are: sweet and spicy Milly Thompson, Kung-Pow Monev the Gale, Sour and salty Nicolas D. Wolfwood, and, filling in for Legato, Egg-Drop Hoppard the Gantret. Hoppard: So, what exactly happened to Legato, anyway? Monev: I hear he got beat up by a cat. Hoppard: What?! A mangy little cat! What a weakling! (Kuronekosama runs from offstage and attacks Hoppard, and a flying severed appendage knocks over the camera) Milly: Oh my gosh! You killed Hoppard Monev: You Bastard! I'm going to kill that demented cat! (Kuronekosama mauls Monev as well. Then the infamous black cat sits on Vash's desk) Vash: ... Seeing as we're down two members, do we have any volunteers? ???: I'll do it Vash: Hey! It's our own musical talent: Midvalley the Hornfreak! (audience cheers) Vash: It seems as if we need one more Kuroneko: Nyao! Vash: Huh? Are you sure? Kuroneko: Nyao! Vash: Good! It seems as if we're back up to four contestants! (audience cheers again) Vash: That means it's time for our first game, and it's for Midvalley and Wolfwood. It'll be done in the form of a film nior. We need a location for our film nior (audience shouts suggestions) Okay. You two are in the toy section of Wal-Mart. Midvalley: (to audience) I was looking for a certain notorious spy from Albania. He is suspected of stealing top-secret government files containing the formula for generic meat product. (to Wolfwood) Hello. could you direct me to the Onion patch kids? Wolfwood: (to audience)I was pretty suspicious of this guy, considering he was wearing a shirt that clearly stated "Look at me! I'm looking for the guy that stole the formula for generic meat product!". I'd have to be pretty careful with this one. (to Midvalley) Sure. They're next to the Grow You're Own Toe Fungus Farms. Midvalley: (to audience) There was no mistaking it. His shirt said in bold, yellow letters "Look at me! I stole the formula for generic meat product!". But I knew he was very clever. (to Wolfwood) Could you direct me to them? I'm new around here. Wolfwood: (to audience) I'd direct him to them all right. (to Midvalley) Sure, right this way. Midvalley: (to audience) I didn't know what kind of trap he was going to spirng, but I had to be cautious. (to Wolfwood) Hey! These aren't Onion Patch Kids! They're Destructo Donny Dolls with real exploding action! Wolfwood: (to audience) I was sure I had him then. (to Midvalley) Mwahahahahaha! You thought you could take me down, but look who's winning now! The meaty goodness is mine! Any last words? Midvalley: (to audience) I managed to slip this out of his pocket. (to Wolfwood) Only four: I've got the detonator! (Midvalley makes exploding sounds and Wolfwood falls on the floor) Midvalley: (to audience) I finally got him. Now the generic meat product is safe for all mankind. (drags Wolfwood off stage by arm) Vash: (buzzer) That was pretty good, but you forgot to put choking hazard labels on your toys. Sorry, no points! Our next game is called "Questions Only", and it's for everyone. (characters assemble on stage in jumbled order) We'll need a scene (audience) Okay. Heh heh. You're going to make Kuronekosama your new pharoh. (Milly and Wolfwood step up) Wolfwood: Are you sure he should be pharoh? Milly: Why not? Wolfwood: Haven't you noticed anything strange about him? Milly: Like what? Wolfwood: Um.. grr. (He's replaced by Kuronekosama) Milly: How are you, Mr. Pharoh? Kuroneko: Nyao? Milly: Huh? I don't understand! (She's replaced by Midvalley) Kuroneko: Nyao? Midvalley: What? Kuroneko: Nyao? Midvalley: Could you speak up a little? Kuroneko: Nyao?! Midvalley: Why'd he do that? Kuroneko: Nyao? Midvalley: And what did you do? Kuroneko: Nyao? Midvalley: Who'd have thought he'd do that? Vash: (buzzer) Midvalley, can you understand him? Midvalley: Sure. Can't you? Vash: Umm... Nevermind. You each get a Pointcard. Whenever you make a purchase with your Pointcard, you get 200 points! Wolfwood: Hey. That's pretty nice. Vash: I know, but only if the points mattered... Anyways, our next game is also for everyone. It's called "Wierd Newscasters" Kuroneko will be the main newscaster, and Midvalley is his co-anchor and...erm... translator. He has the attention span of a small insect. Wolfwood will be doing sports, and his underwear is getting increasingly tighter. Doing weather will be Milly, and she's going to be a bitter old lady. Start when you're ready. Kuroneko: Nyao. Midvalley: And I'm Jack Cass. (he starts picking his nose) Kuroneko: Nyao! Midvalley: Oh sorry. What's in the news today? Kuroneko: Nyao. Midvalley: That means that today, Switzerland was attacked (he starts picking his nose again) Kuroneko: NYAO!!! Midvalley: Attacked by flying monkeys. Kuroneko: Nyao. Midvalley: Let's go to sports with Al K. Holic(starts scratching and sniffing armpits) Wolfwood: (underwear getting continually tighter) Today, in baseball, the Antarctic Penguins beat the- crap. I dropped my mic. (bends over) AHHH! Wedgie! My ass! (falls on groundand rolls around) Get them off me! GET THEM OFF ME!!! Kuroneko: Nyao... (Midvalley is scratching his butt now) Kuroneko: NYAO!!! Midvalley: Oh. Meteorology with Betty Wetter. Milly: (bitter old lady) Shut up you lazy wippersnappers. Why, in my time I-  
  
Kuroneko: Nyao. Milly: I said SHUT UP! Today, it's supposed to rain prune juice over the entire nation. At least it'll get my bowels moving. Kuroneko: Nyao! Milly: You young fools don't hear so good. I'm still talking! Like I was saying, back in the day we didn't have all these- (Midvalley is picking at her hair) What're ya doin' you crazy hooligan! Kuroneko: Nyao! Wolfwood: Get 'em off! My ass! AHHHH! Kuroneko: NYAO!!! Vash: (buzzer) That's enough. You all get 3.141592654 points Wolfwood: Aren't those the first few digits of pi? Vash: I dunno. But, I do know that it's time for a hoedown! (audience cheers) Vash: And it looks like we have a winner, and that's Kuronekosama! (audience cheers again. Kurokeno goes to desk Kuroneko: Nyao. Midvalley: He said "What should they sing about" (audience shouts suggestions) Kuroneko: Nyao! Midvalley: He said "We'll have a gashapan hoedown" (*Author's note: gashapan = Japanese quarter machines, pronounced "GASH- pon") (music starts)  
  
Midvalley: I went shopping at a grocery store There was a gashapan standing by the door. I got lots of toys, I was so full of glee, But I had little money, so I bought mac'-n-cheese  
  
Milly: I like gashapan, the toys are really cute. I got a plastic ring inset with shiny fruit. I showed it to Meryl, but she said it was a waste. I dunno but I think that Meryl has bad taste.  
  
Wolfwood: Wax gumballs, crap jewelry, or flimsy sticky hands I think that gashapan should be banned. The kids think that they are getting a new toy, But then they cry when it breaks and that can annoy.  
  
Vash: There was a gashapan by the bakery I though, "I'll try to get a toy for free". I reached my arm way inside and then it got stuck. I can't believe I went through that for some useless junk!  
  
All: For some useless junk!  
  
Vash: Before anything bad happens, I'm Vash the Stampede saying "Good night"! 


End file.
